She sat there in the corner tying her hair up in a bun,
looking towards the chai-walla and gesturing for a cutting. She pulled out a
cigarette from her bag and lit it. The first drag was let into page number
twenty eight, chapter number two of the book she had made up her mind to finish
reading this week. The chai-walla came by, smiled and greeted her with a good
morning which happened to be the only good thing that made her smile today.
A sip
of the tea, a glance through the alley and she resumed her reading. A cigarette
or two down, she stopped and looked blankly at the book. Thinking about the work she had been doing in
the past few months, all the reasons she had to be happy seemed fey. A sense of
ambiguity to the void she felt, crept into her, “I am doing everything right”
she said to herself in a whisper. Yet the thought of that one person’s hug never left
her. The memories made way and all the possibilities of a day, an opportunity
of everything being right, made her want to erase everything again. She left
herself to imagine her thoughts to be a sheet of doodles and her presence of
mind erase them out. “not working” she reminded herself. She asked herself
whether ‘He’ was her only gateway to bliss. Whether the space between reality
and her ideas and thoughts was ever going to be glued with possibilities.
Just
like all the other times of her routine- mental invasions of herself tearing
her peace of mind apart- this time too, answers, justifications and her plea to
be relieved of her misery went unanswered. She was in a state of “WHAT?”, she
asked herself again...
Is it Denial?
She kept telling herself…
No it is not.
P.S. Smoking is injurious to health and I am in no way promoting/ glorifying it.!
Cheers!
Cheers!
